Shirtless is, then brainless does


Reprinted from
May 19, 2011


Remember Jethro Bodine’s idea for a topless restaurant?
When Bodine, the hulking, dimwitted nephew of millionaire Jed Clampett on the 1960s sitcom “The Beverly Hillbillies,” failed in his attempts to become a credible “double-naught spy,” he sought out another career avenue. Born was Bodine the restaurateur, who thought he’d discovered the perfect marketing gimmick for his venture.
Using his uncle’s dough to finance the deal, Jethro decided to open a topless diner. This being the swinging ’60s, the plan made perfect sense except for two things: One of his waitresses was 70-something Granny Moses, and the missing item from each female employee’s ensemble was to be a hat, not a shirt.
That was Jethro’s idea of topless. It was funny then, but when more Bodines are lurking out there and making silly decisions that actually affect people’s lives, the humor content gets drastically reduced.
And it sure sounds as if at least a few Jethros are involved in running the show at Westwood (Mass.) High School. A story that recently appeared in the Westwood Press reported that high school track coach Tom Davis was fired for not making his runners follow a you-must-always-wear-a-shirt edict.
Just to note, Davis is in charge of a boys’ team, not a girls’ one. So why was this even an issue?
Does a double standard exist when it comes to how much clothing a male can remove in public, compared to a female, without spilling over into the lewd category? Of course, but it’s certainly understandable.

SXU sports summary

Kerr earns 12th-place finish for Cougars golfers

There was nothing dirty about this dozen.
Coming in 12th among a group of 81 golfers was an impressive showing for St. Xavier University's James Kerr, particularly when the field featured a number of top NAIA competitors. That's where the senior wound up in at the Midwest Classic, hosted by Indiana Wesleyan University at Brickyard Crossing Golf Course in Indianapolis.
Kerr posted a two-day score of 151 at the event, which broke down into individual rounds of a one-over-par 73 on Day 1 and 78 on the second day. That placed him nine shots and 32 places ahead of senior teammate Brendan Ryan, who fired rounds of 78 and 82. Rounding out the Cougars' scoring were freshman Kyle Yaeger (163, 51st place) and freshman Robert Lively (171, 78th).
SXU (643) was 13th in the 16-school tournament. Half of the teams were ranked or had received votes in the most recent NAIA Men's Golf Coaches Top 25 poll.
"With two of our top three golfers out with injuries, we plugged in two of our freshmen, who played well in their first big competition," Cougars coach Mike Mandakas said. "We look to get healthy for our tournament and start preparing for our conference tournament."

Softball roundup

  • Written by Anthony Nasella

Lady Astros coming of age

  Whether Shepard is sporting a roster full of seasoned veterans or growing underclassmen, coach Kelsey Clifford prefers to have her team stay active.
  The Lady Astros had plenty of opportunities to play during a week marked by relatively pleasant weather and came away with a 4-2 record. The losses came by just one and three runs.
  Shepard started the week by coming up just short of Lemont, 6-5, in a South Suburban Conference crossover game. However, the Lady Astros bounced back with a 5-2 SSC Red win over Oak Lawn on Tuesday and a conference crossover victory over Bremen on Thursday.
  After battling Oak Forest hard in a 10-7 crossover loss on Friday, Shepard (5-3) swept a doubleheader from Wheaton Academy, 10-2 and 19-7, one day later.
  “Our schedule has been so flipped around, trying to get games in,” Clifford said. “Saturday’s contests were games that we picked up because [other] games were bumped. We asked our athletic director to try to get us some games.
  “My coaching philosophy is I’d rather we play games to see our flexibility early on in the season and to see what we can do. We’ve only played eight games so far, so this is still a young season.”
  And not only is it a young season, but Clifford also said the Lady Astros are a young team after six seniors from 2013 graduated. Five of those departed athletes are playing college softball this season.

Trinity sports report

  • Written by Tim Cronin

Bos, Reidsma continue to excel on the track

  It’s becoming a broken record, the way Anna Bos breaks school records.
  The fleet junior from Rockford, Mich., won the 10,000-meter run for Trinity Christian College at Lewis University’s Chicagoland Championships on Friday, doing so in 36 minutes, 8.50 seconds, which placed Bos more than 30 seconds ahead of the second-place finisher. That also qualified her for the NAIA Championship and makes her the prohibitive favorite at whatever distance she’ll run in today’s Concordia University Invitational in River Grove.
  Likewise, senior Andy Reidsma is a threat whenever he toes the line. The senior breezed to victory at 5,000 meters at Lewis in 14:51.20, hitting the NAIA’s “B” standard for qualifying. And the women’s 3,200-meter relay quartet of Ashley Jourdan, Hannah Schwab, Justine Van Dyk and Courtney Kalous also tripped the NAIA qualifying meter by finishing second in their event in a school-record time of 9:25.71.
  The rest of the Trinity crew ran Saturday at Benedictine University, where the women took fifth and the men wound up 10th. Jessica Disselkoen won the 3,000-steeplechase in a Trolls-record 11:31.71, while Kalous’ 2:18.36 clocking in the 800 also represented a school standard and was good for second place overall.
  On the men’s side, Cody Velthuizen’s victory in the 3,000-steeplechase came in 10:14.47.

Moraine athletics wrap

  • Written by Maura Vizza

Tennis team doubles its pleasure

  Moraine Valley College’s tennis team keeps on streaking.
  The Cyclones chalked up three more Illinois Skyway Collegiate Conference wins last week, which gave them a five-match unbeaten streak. And in none of the most recent matches was Moraine seriously threatened.
  The College of Lake County suffered an 8-1 defeat last Tuesday, McHenry College tumbled by that same margin two days later, and the College of DuPage was a 7-2 loser on Friday.
  Among the victors against CLC were singles players Kevin Karczynski, Mike Broderick, Tim Stewart, Ryan Adamski and Christian Lagunas. Adamski triumphed after rallying from an opening-set loss. The doubles pair of Brad Smith-Stewart were also pushed to three sets before logging their win.